SHE'S GOT ME BY THE FOOTBALLS...

My name is Henry Walton, and though I've been called many things throughout my life--tree trunk, moose, walrus--I am now six foot five, solid muscle, and the hottest defensive end in the NFL college draft. This is the moment I've been waiting for: fame, women, and glory.

Just one problem: I'm suddenly in a bad slump. And it started the moment I got dumped by Elle, the nerdy goddess with thick glasses, a smokin' hot body, and a genius IQ.

So what gives? We only dated for a few weeks, and it's not like I've missed her. (Much.) Regardless, all the facts point to one conclusion. Elle is my lucky nerd-charm.

Call me superstitious, but I have to get her back before I lose everything. Even if she's the last girl I should want and she now hates my guts.