“I’m Prince Nikolas of San Glacera. Oh, you’ve never heard of us? Well, you’re not the only one. Our country relies on winter tourism, but we’re attracting fewer and fewer visitors. I admit it’s a problem. I just don’t think the solution is an American who likes to play dress-up.

You see, while I was away on a trip, my younger sister convinced the palace to hold a contest. The winner gets to star in our annual Ice Village festivities and accompany our royal family to holiday events.

And who did they choose? Gracie Clark, who runs a children’s party business and performs as—I kid you not—‘Princess Snowflake.’

Of course, I do respect the fact that she volunteers at children’s hospitals. I suppose to some, she might have a certain charm... But the whole cheap spectacle is beneath our dignity.

I’m not going to shirk my duty to my kingdom. I’ll go to every event with her. At least, once Christmas is over, she’ll be gone…”