"I used to teach in the Communication and Theatre program at Western State College. I got my PhD at Pitt in the early 90s, masters degrees at U of Montana in the mid 80s, bachelors at Washington University in the 70s; worked for Middle South Services in New Orleans in the early 80s, so yes, I'm THAT John Barnes. There are also many John Barneses I am not. I am not the British footballer, the Tory MP, the expert on ADA programming, the biographer of Eva Peron, the authority on Dante, the mycologist, the travel writer, the film historian, or that guy that Mom said was my father. Wish I'd written the book on titmice, though.

"I used to think I was the only paid consulting statistical semiotician for business and industry in the world, but I recently met another one. So now I have a large market share of a growing field. Semiotics is pretty much what Louis Armstrong said about jazz, except jazz paid a lot better for him than semiotics does for me."