"BLOODY HELL." Philip Mallory bit out the words.

"This cannot be happening again."

"I realize that on the surface it might seem like a recurring scenario, but things are different this time."

Philip glared across the table at his agent. "How so?" he asked sarcastically, sprawling against the back of his chair. "Once again after working my ass off on my own show, I'm being paired up with a talentless hack whose only redeeming quality is a pair of perky breasts."

Hardly an accurate assessment of Carrie Robbins's skill or breasts, but at the moment he was more interested in being pissed off and petty than fair. As far as talent went, Philip knew she was a damned fine chef. He'd watched her show and had frequented Chez Martin's enough to know that she didn't abide mediocre work.

Furthermore, Philip thought broodingly, her breasts were more than perky — they were perfect. Plump, pert and lush. God knows he'd seen enough of them to know over recent months. Between his own acute fascination of her, the skimpy little negligees she wore on set and one smitten cameraman whose zoom lens had a tendency to tighten and stick to her delectable cleavage, he'd been left with little choice. Hardly a hardship, he knew, but Philip was of the opinion that cleavage and nighties were more appropriate clothing for a bedroom than a kitchen. His lips quirked.

Unless, of course, a couple was playing the wicked lord and naughty scullery maid, then her limited attire would be completely fitting. If he didn't think that she was making a mockery of the art of cooking, was selling herself short and not The Enemy — thanks to the cork- brained producers who'd come up with the jolly idea of special programming — Philip wouldn't resent fantasizing about bending her beautiful ass over the nearest counter and taking her until his ruddy dick exploded.

As it was, he did resent it.

Factor out his unfortunate over-the-top attraction to her and it was a too-familiar scene which had once before resulted in a miserable outcome.

"They're not suggesting making it permanent, Philip. They just want a week-long segment to take advantage of sagging summer ratings."

"I don't give a damn. I'm not doing it."

Rupert winced, causing an unpleasant sensation to commence in Philip's belly. He knew that look. It was the you're- fucked look. "Well, see, the thing is —"

"I'm not doing it, Rupert," Philip said threaten-ingly.

"Then you'll be in breach of contract and they'll fire you."

And there it was, Philip thought with a bitter laugh. The bend-over order. "If I'll be in breach of contract, then you didn't do your job and you'll be the one getting fired, my friend."

Rupert shifted uneasily and a gratifying flicker of fear raced across his face. It was an empty threat, of course. Rupert Newell represented the longest relationship he'd ever had in his life and he wasn't about to sever it over something as trivial as having to do a week-long segment with The Negligee Gourmet. Still...

"How could you have let this happen again?" Philip demanded pleadingly. "After the Sophie debacle, Rupert? Come on!" It was ridiculous.

"I was assured that it would be a nonissue, and you were harping at me to 'make something happen." He affected a wounded look, one Philip had seen many times over the years. "So I did, and this is the thanks that I get. Just a year ago I was the best agent in the world for negotiating this deal and now I'm on the brink of getting fired all because of a simple one-week special that in no way resembles the hostile takeover of your show that Sophie-the-whore managed to maneuver."

There was nothing hostile about the way she'd maneuvered him, Philip thought, cheeks burning with renewed humiliation. She'd shagged him literally and physically right out of a show. Thanks to a back-door clause which enabled the network to suspend his contract unless he agreed to do "special segments" and a morals clause which prohibited any sexual relationships between currently contracted persons, Philip had found himself screwed — rather poorly, he thought with a moody scowl — right out of a job.

Sophie had insidiously worked her magic behind the scenes, discrediting him as a host, then had cried sexual harassment as the final coup. Despite excellent ratings, he'd found himself summarily fired and Sophie — a sous chef from the kitchen who'd been angling to host — had gotten his show.

Hell, the bitch had even been given his set.

By the time Rupert had negotiated the Let's Cook, New Orleans! deal he'd been desperate to get back to work and, while he'd entertained several offers from various schools and restaurants both in the States and the U.K., Philip had ultimately decided against them. He truly enjoyed being in front of the camera — the combination of drama and teaching. Had known that he'd found his niche.

Furthermore, he'd decided a change in scenery had been in order and had found America to his liking. He'd visited often enough before — mostly New York and L.A. — but something about the dark, soulful spirit of New Orleans really appealed to him. Far removed from his rolling English hills, that was for sure.

Since moving here a little over a year ago, Philip had still found a couple of weeks here and there to fly home. He had no family left to speak of — both his parents had passed away years ago, and his only sibling had preceded them in death when she'd been five. A drowning accident, one his parents had never recovered from.

Rather than loving the child they had left, both of them had distanced themselves from him, presumably, Philip thought, to lessen the pain should another unexpected death occur. Philip didn't blame them — couldn't because he'd powerlessly witnessed their grief — but it was years into his adulthood before he'd come to terms with their cohabiting abandonment. They might have lived in the same house, but after Penny's death they hadn't been there for him. They'd been emotionally unavailable. Philip grimaced.

Unfortunately, that continued to be a running theme in his life.

Were it not for his little seaside villa on the Isle of Wight — his ultimate refuge — Philip wouldn't have any reason to board another transatlantic flight. As it was, he could only go a few months before the tug of the small island pulled at him and he found himself gasping for a breath of fresh salty air.

Granted he could get that at any seaside location, but something about the little island had always been home to him. His villa sat on a rocky rise and overlooked a gorgeous view of the ocean. Mornings would find him kicked back in a patio chair with a good book — he'd amassed an extensive library there — and a hot cup of coffee. Philip frowned. Given the present mess he found himself in, he wouldn't mind being there now.

"I've got to let them know something this afternoon," Rupert said. "Since you've been the hold-out, they're waiting until they attain your cooperation before discussing it any further with Ms. Robbins."

Philip snorted. "Until they force my cooperation, you mean."

"What do you want me to tell them?" Rupert asked. "I can go back to the table and talk some smack — I have for the past six months — but I don't expect it will do any good." He signed for the bill and stood. "Let me know what you want me to do."

"T-talk some smack?" Philip repeated, an unexpected laugh breaking up in his chest.

Rupert fussily straightened his coat. "It's a new slang term I've learned." He sighed and gave a little whirling motion with his hand. "When in Rome, you know."

"We're not in Rome. We're in New Orleans."

"I realize that."

Philip smothered a snort. "And you're British," he pointed out.

"I'm quite aware from which country I hail," Rupert snapped testily. "I just want to have a better grasp of American jargon. Speak to them in terms they'll understand."

Philip chewed the inside of his cheek, debated the merit of pointing out that the official language of the United States was English. Ultimately, he decided against it. Listening to Rupert mangle American slang with that British accent would be a fun source of entertainment in the coming weeks.

And he was going to need as much of that as possible.

"Tell them I'll do it." Philip finally relented. "One week. Her set, not mine — I don't want mine tainted with what I'm certain is going to be a bloody disaster — and I want an addendum added to my contract making my cooperation regarding these damned specials null and void."

Rupert smiled. "Now that's more like it. Peace out," he said, then turned neatly on his heel and left.

Ha, Philip thought, quaffing what was left of his drink. For the next week he seriously doubted he'd be having any sort of peace, in, out, or otherwise.

Furthermore, if he was going to be thrust into this unwanted hell, then he was going to be in charge.

And the sooner The Negligee Gourmet knew it, the better.